What I wish I had known… Marjha Golding-Evans
When I first put my thoughts to this question, the list was quite long(!) but I managed to narrow it down to these 3 things;
- Ally McBeal is sadly not the reality of being a lawyer and she has a lot to answer for;
- It is never too soon to start using face cream, drinking more water, and
- Being a lawyer is more than being legally brilliant; you thrive by being rounded. But (here’s the rub) it is so important to step back and be proud of what you achieve; in fact, I think it is vital.
Okay – so maybe the first two aren’t as serious as the third (although they have been important life lessons, mark my words) So with all frivolity aside, I hadn’t known how well-rounded you need to be to thrive as a lawyer, and certainly not in the current climate.
When I got my first job in family law in 2005 (gulp) I was a 20-year-old student taking a paralegal role in London. I was young, not particularly worldly – and definitely not using face cream. What I was, however, was hyper-focused on my clients and their lives, and thought there was One Right Way to do whatever I was tasked with doing. It turned out it was a bit more complicated than that and I found if I didn’t get it right the first time, I was exceptionally hard on myself.
What I have come to realise is that having life experiences and making mistakes has helped me empathise with clients. In turn, I hope, that has made me a better lawyer and manager. Our clients come from all walks of life and so do we, and in my years of training and practice, I haven’t yet met a single client who has done everything perfectly the first time. So, I have asked myself why do we hold ourselves to that expectation?
I have been fortunate to have worked in a variety of firms in different areas of the country for the past two decades. My greatest takeaway has been that each role has taught me something new and been another string to my bow, but that each role has always stretched me way outside my comfort zone. But it has been those experiences that I think are enriching and have helped shape my advice and my people skills, as well as helping me make new connections. Without a doubt, I have made mistakes in both those aspects, but learning to accept that and grow from it – to help be the rounded lawyer I think I need to be – has been the greatest learning.
So, for what it’s worth, my suggestions on how you can help yourself grow in your role are these;
– Shadow your colleagues and get stuck into the complex work or management tasks that frankly scare you – and vocalise that fear. In my experience, not only does sharing that foster a hugely supportive professional relationship with the colleague you’re working with, but just saying it out loud can help you process it and overcome it. And if a colleague has been brave enough to open up to you about their fears, then acknowledging it and praising that is a huge boost for everyone.
– If you want to stretch your people skills, then lay the foundation for it. It is never too soon and the people around you will work with you to help build those skills. A client once spoke about ‘the scaffolding’ in her life and how she wanted to strengthen her own walls so the scaffolding could slowly be taken away. It is a fantastic metaphor for how we can work with each other to build our skills, and that the ‘scaffolding’ of our support helps each of us find strengths and grow.
– Take the plunge and step outside your comfort zone. It might be a legal task you have never done before, or it might be supervision or line management which feels way beyond your place of comfort. Let yourself feel motivated and buoyed by that stretch. Whether it is in your role or taking the plunge with a new skill.
So, am I encouraging you to take opportunities that come your way? Yes. But that doesn’t mean becoming a ‘yes woman’ or ‘yes man’ (That is a fantastic book about embracing new opportunities and not letting your own fears stop you – but this isn’t a book review so take a look for yourself and do let me know what you think! Yes Man by Danny Wallace). Focus on what matters – I find that those who identify and honour their own boundaries are the true superheroes.
To wrap it up, I have thought a lot about Imposter Syndrome. Whether you feel you have it or not, it brings a spotlight on how we ‘talk’ to ourselves and value what we do. I listened to an interview recently from Ilona Maher, an Olympian who has joined Bristol Bears this season. Ilona gave this fantastic interview and this video which made me reflect on Imposter Syndrome. She said; “It is ok to be proud of what you have done. It is ok to believe you deserve something. Because you have put in the work for it… I do feel I have earned my success and am deserving of it, but I am also humbled to know there are people working just as hard, if not harder, to be where I am now.”
That is a mantra I think we could all benefit from saying to ourselves every so often. In this job, we work hard in what can be emotionally challenging circumstances. So be kind to yourself, know you deserve your success, and take the time every so often to reflect on that and pat yourself on the back. You never know, it may well give you the confidence to say yes to the next thing that will stretch you, and be that next string to your bow.
Now, where’s that face cream…
Written by Marjha Golding-Evans, Managing Partner South West and Wales
